It’s Not Your Job To Prevent Every Meltdown

For many families, the holidays present a unique balance of joy for the season and

apprehension for the inevitable changes in routine, abnormal foods, overwhelming sensory environments, and more that come with this time of year. Meltdowns may occur more often and more intensely, and we want you to have the tools to support yourself and your family during this festive time!

Many parents feel enormous pressure to stop every meltdown before it starts, especially during the holidays. The truth is that even with the best support systems, emotional overwhelm still happens. Meltdowns are not failures! They are moments when the brain is overloaded and struggling to cope. Your role is not to eliminate every difficult moment but to be the safe, calm presence when regulation slips.

A meltdown is a nervous system event. When a person becomes overwhelmed, the thinking part of the brain has less control and survival responses take the lead. In this state, reasoning, problem solving, and listening are compromised. The goal in these moments is not to teach or correct behavior, but to help the body feel safe enough to return to regulation. Prevention strategies are helpful, but they cannot replace the need for co-regulation during big emotions.

Co-regulation is what you provide through your presence, tone of voice, and ability to stay grounded. Instead of adding more intensity to the moment, you become the steady anchor. You might quietly sit nearby, speak in a low and simple tone, offer a comforting object, or simply wait. Your calmness is modeling the idea that even when emotions feel out of control, the relationship is not.

Once regulation begins to return, the brain can access skills again. Only after calm is restored can you reflect on what happened, problem solve, or teach strategies for next time. This sequence matters: first safety, then connection, then learning. Many caregivers accidentally reverse this order, trying to reason in the heat of the moment, which can make escalations last longer.

Over time, these experiences strengthen emotional development. When a person repeatedly goes through difficult moments with a regulated caregiver supporting them, they learn something powerful: big feelings are survivable. They learn how to return to calm, how to trust their body, and how to seek support appropriately. The goal is not avoiding melts down but to ensure your child knows how to find themselves afterward.

You are allowed to be human in this process, and you won’t handle every moment perfectly. What matters is that you repair when needed and keep working toward staying grounded yourself. Your calm nervous system is the intervention. Meltdowns are not something you “fix.” They are moments you walk through together, proving again and again that connection is stronger than overwhelm.